Hi, everyone! Yesterday I asked for some help with loglines and I was blown away by how helpful everyone was! If you read yesterday’s post, you can skip ahead to the paragraph that says START HERE. If not, keep reading.
I’ve written a screenplay and am lucky enough to be able to send it to a producer at Hallmark. The script is complete, but I am still working on the logline.
The logline serves as a teaser for the screenplay. The sole purpose of the logline is to entice people to read the screenplay. If the logline falls flat, then it’s unlikely that anyone will ever read the screenplay.
START HERE. I present to you two loglines I’ve altered (and hopefully improved) since yesterday. Once you read them, I have some questions to ask you.
A Plucky shopkeeper Hope Dresden has declared war this Black Friday. Her targets? Bona fide hunk Liam Jones, who has vowed to win her stubborn heart, and scheming bigwig Judy Deaver, who will stop at nothing to crush Hope’s charming boutique.
B Heartbroken shopkeeper Hope Dresden has sworn off romance this holiday season. That is, until she meets handsome and mysterious Liam Jones. He seems perfect, but Hope must discover whether the charismatic hunk has fallen for her or is secretly helping scheming entrepreneur Judy Deaver swallow up her charming boutique.
Once again, these are the three things I’d like to know:
1. Do you prefer logline A or B?
2. Does your preferred logline make you want to find out more / read the script / watch the movie? (You can be very critical — it won’t hurt my feelings)
3. What changes would you make to your preferred logline? (Same note as above — please be critical)
Bonus question: Any additional thoughts?
Thanks! You guys are the best.
Note: Nicolas Cage will be cast as Liam, obviously!